Things Ive learned being a mom part 1

I decided to write this blog post because as I was watching TV, I could here little miss just chatting away in her crib. Everyday she grows bigger and she learns so much. It's amazing to watch her figure out this world. As a mother, I am expected to teach her, I really feel just these past 10 months, I have learned more about my self and life than I have in any other experience.

Patience. Even thought these are in no particular order, I think patience deserves the  high spot. I have always been a patient person. I am very good at going with the flow and can adapt to changes fairly well. But it wasn't until every last button of mine has been pushed that I have learned how much I can deal with. One of my harder moments as a mom is getting used to little sleep. She sleeps so good now, but she lack is the nap area, and when she is sick, nights and days and very mixed up in her world. When I am tired that is when I am most irritable. Buts its amazing how I have learned to adapt and stop feeling sorry for myself that my baby made a huge mess in the kitchen right after I cleaned it, and to just pick her up and love her, because a mess being made means she is learning.

Seeing the world through innocent eyes.  I always felt like I was pretty good at getting down on a child's level. Sometimes it's much easier to just pull out a bunch of toys for her and sit on the couch while she plays. But what is important is me getting on the floor and teaching her new things. Every place she goes, every new thing she sees, new tastes, new smells, everything becomes a millions times more exciting when I can see life through a child's eyes.

 Learning to be a kid again. I can't wait for the day where she can run and play on her own, while I can just sit back, relax and watch her enjoy herself. As much as I do that now, by pulling out her toys,  and taking a few seconds to myself, I hope the day never comes where I do not want to play with her. Even though she can't do much on her own, I will help her be able to experience it all. A few days ago we went to a splash pad. My baby can crawl so a place like that is not the best place for her. But it is, because by the time we left, we were both soaking wet. I was in the middle of it all with her, enjoying every second. Watching her smile every time we ran though the water fall, and her laugh every time she got sprayed in the face. We love going to the park, and yet again I am having to get up on all the structures so she can have fun.  Going down slides and swinging with her on my lap. Reading kids books, and watching despicable me  with a bowl full of cheese its. Building forts and crawling through all the tunnels with her as she tries to get away. Only 10 months old we have done all of this. Some days its hard to be creative but the more we play, the more she learns and the more I learn.

Cleaning can wait. My routine is pretty simple. I clean up as the day goes one, put a load or two of laundry in, wipe down the kitchen once or twice a day. etc. But when one of two things happen, all of that gets pushed aside. Some days its because I am at my limit and the second she goes down for bed, I don't want to do anything else besides sit down and watch tv, OR its because we are having so much fun during the day that I just don't want to make the time to clean the bathroom, or vacuum. With how fast these months have gone by, I don't want to miss out on anything because I am too worried about what my house looks like. Most of the time anyone could drop by at anytime and I would be completely fine on how things look, but on occasion it is a disaster. It has taken me some time to be ok with this. But at the end of the day when I'm rocking her to sleep nothing is more important to me than being there for my sweet girl.

Things are just things. I get so excited with I buy her a new toy. While she gets excited too, if I give her a wooden spoon, she acts like we are at Disneyland. Cheap things are great. But what I'm talking about is the fact that my lovely baby broke my iPhone screen. shattered. She found my stash of nail polish and smashed it on the floor. Brand new. I have found little teeth marks on my couch, and on her crib. My car key jams sometimes because of how much spit is in there. I had to replace my phone charger because she bit through the cord. (another example of where my patience comes in) As much as all of these things and more make me so mad, I have to remember that things are just things. I can live fine without all of those. But what is more important is her. I cant really discipline her yet, but I hope that I never get soo fixated on my "things" that I would get soooo mad at her.  She's a child, and will be one for a long time. Teaching her what to do and what not to do will come as she gets older, but when I look her nothing in the world is more important.

Police Wife Life

To many of you, when you think of police officers, you might think of the flashing blue lights behind you as you are speeding on the freeway, or making a comment about the officer as he "abuses" his power and speeds passed you through the intersection. To some of you, you might think of them ruining your fun as you get pulled over and ticketed for drunk driving, doing a "nonharmful" substance. You might have been booked into jail and you think that the cop was just out to ruin your life, and now you hate them.

To many of you, you see a person directing traffic after what appears to be a fatal accident. Not thinking twice about what he may have seen.(What if there were kids in the car, a mangled body etc) You might see a story on the news about how a police officer stopped to play basketball with some kids and you will think one of two things "man, those cops are NOT doing their job, I do not pay them to play around" or you will think " what awesome guys to take a few minutes to show kids that cops are not the bad guys." You will see an article about a cop who had to shoot an animal and then all of a sudden he needs to be fired, death threats are pouring into his life and family. You don't see the articles on the police officers that get attacked by dogs, and you think nothing of this.

You might read about a child's death because of the lack of responsibility of this parents, you don't even think about the young police officer (who has a new born at home) that has to hold it together and be courteous and professional. He can't show emotion as he walks on scene and discovers the child's lifeless body. You might encounter a break in at your house, or car, and file a report. You might blame the cop for something that went wrong or you might blame them for not finding your stuff. Or you will be grateful that no one got hurt, and there is a chance that your items could be found.

You come home late at night, see that your front door is open. You call the police and an officer enters your house unknowingly of what dangers lurk inside. They clear it for you and station his car outside your house while he finishes up his reports so you can feel at ease in your home.

You hear news stories of officer shootings and you see all the comments on how they pulled the trigger to fast, or they should not allowed to use deadly force, etc. You also read stories about officer ambushes and officer deaths during search warrants, or arrests. You don't think twice about the family they have back at home. During the times they draw their weapon I know for a fact that they are thinking about their family at home and they are not going to let some law breaking scum bag (my words, not an officers words) take them away from their family.

When I see an officer I see a brother, a sister, an aunt, an uncle, a son, a daughter, a husband, a wife, a father, a mother. I see a person who sees dead bodies weekly weather it be from a murder, natural causes, suicide or accident. I see a person who deals with people who are high on drugs that do not want to go to jail and will do ANYTHING to not go to jail.

I see a person who literally walks out the door everyday to go to a job that is criticized, ruthless, dangerous, who has a chance of never walking into their home again.

I see a person who loves their job and has a passion for keeping the community safe. People mistake this for abuse of power and in return don't believe cops are out their to do good.

I see a person who gives up first birthdays, anniversaries, sharing a bed with their spouse, holidays and vacations, because their shift just happens to fall on those days.

I see a person who gets paid very little and has to pay out of pockets for many of things that is required by the department.

I see a person who is saddened by the mistakes and unprofessional actions by other officers. Those officers who do "abuse" power are NOT the majority.

I see a person who has a threat against them by the community they protect.

I see person who is human, who makes mistakes, who says things that might not be the best, who's adrenalin high might take over as they pull the dead beat husband off his beaten wife and might have gripped to tightly. The guy might sue over this, the local news catches wind of this and twists and turns the story and now the police officer is a hated man.

I see a person who makes plans with his wife for a date that is long over due. 20 min till shift change, he gets called to a rape. Calls his wife and tells her he will probably be another 3-4 hours.

I see a person who's family is going through the same struggles and worries that I go through.

When I see MY police officer. I see him put on his pants, his shirt, his socks, his boots, his vest. I see him check his radio, make sure his gun has ammo in it, check his flash light, load up his utility belt, and place his badge on his vest. Lastly I see him kiss our baby goodbye, pet the dogs, give me a kiss goodbye and walk out the door. I see a man in uniform and I see a police officer. But I see my husband. And I pray that I will see him again.

Six Months

Tomorrow will mark Zaydi's half birthday! 6 months old. I cant believe it. My life has changed so much these past 6 months. She has been the biggest blessing to our lives. A little miracle.

Some facts about Zaydi:

She now sits up by herself.

She can eat anything we eat (in a form that can easily be swallowed) Some of her favorite foods are:

• Bananas
• Peaches
• Carrots (But I don't like her eating them because they stain everything!)
• Squash
• Ice cream...of course

Its been so fun letting her try new things. She likes most everything she tries which I am so happy about. (takes after her mama)

She still struggles at night. We get really good nights, then really bad nights. Don't know how to help this. We are now trying to wean her from her swaddle. Its been rough.

She loves her dad but is definitely a mama's girl. I need to leave her with other people more often so she can get used to others. She sometimes has stranger danger.

She rolls everywhere. She can scoot backwards. No sign of crawling forward yet. 

Anything around her, automatically becomes hers. Even the dogs tails....

She LOVES her dogs. Which is so good because they are constantly around her, licking her and trying to play with her. She loves it when they bark... she finds that hilarious for some reason.

She doesn't like when she can't see what is going on. She always wants to be able to look around and see things. She is a very curious baby. I love that but I can see how tiring this will make me when she is fully mobile.

She shakes her head really fast when she is excited. When she does this, she stops to look at us, if we laugh or do it back to her, she will usually do it back to us. She thinks she is funny.

Now onto what has changed the most in my life...

My relationship with  God. Everyday I wake up seeing her face, I thank God that she is here. It was a journey getting her here but I would do it all again for her. I pray everyday that she will be safe. My prayers have become more meaningful which in return has strengthened me.

I have learned that I am able to do things that I didn't know I could do.  I have learned to run on fumes with the lack of sleep. I have learned that I am able to get a lot of things done in a day. I have learned that my selfish wants cant exist anymore. I have learned that taking care of myself is key to taking care of my family. I have learned that I am stronger then I thought. I spend a lot of time alone with her and its hard on me at times, but I manage and get through each day. I have learned that I am most grateful for the help of my family, especially Chase. I have learned that the power of fasting and prayer are more real then I ever imagined.

She is my world. My life.

legs and booty

Found these two leg and booty work outs. Loved them. I did each video twice to start. Thought I would share. enjoy :)

Body after Baby.

Hello there.

I write this post today with encouragement to myself.

Lets start from the beginning. In high school, (yes I know that was 7 years ago... wow that went fast) I weighed between 105lbs to 110lbs. I never even thought once about my weight or how it may affect me. Never once did I think I would weigh much more than that. After graduating, life happened and 2 and half years later I got married. Weighing in at about 115lbs on my wedding day. I felt great, again not concerned about weight. In fact, I was worried that I didn't weigh enough. Did you know that you have to weigh at least 115lbs to donate plasma. I was never able to because I didn't weigh enough.

Ok now to the part that I struggle with. In 2012, after I miscarried. I was a mess. I didn't know how to heal. So I fed my feelings with food. I love food. I'm not going to lie. I eat when I am happy, excited, sad, mad, etc. What I eat depends on my feelings. So my struggles with my miscarriage were dealt with lots of days where I didn't want to cook, so we ate out. Or cravings of this and that, that I ate. With very little active work outs. Once I started to feel better, I starting running again. But not enough. That year I gained 10 to 12lbs. That was a lot for me. I went up a pants size from a 4 to a 6. Everything was just a little bigger. But I still was not unhappy about my weight. I thought I still looked ok.

Then 2013 came. I got pregnant, again. Terrified of loosing this baby I did not do any hard labor activity. I did not want to risk anything. I ate ok, but not great. I had cravings, lots of them and I gave into them... all the time. At the beginning of my pregnancy I weighed 128lbs. Every time I had a Drs appointment I had to get on the scale, watching that number rise and rise with each visit. The doctor was never concerned about my weight. But it was unsettling to me. I never once worried about weight before. So it was weird to me to all of a sudden struggle with that, knowing that the reason I was gaining weight was everything I ever wanted. I saw my body change right before my eyes. My thighs got bigger, my butt got bigger, my belly of course got bigger, my boobs got bigger and my face got bigger. I started seeing stretch marks all over. My weight at the end of the pregnancy, right before I delivered, 171lbs. I gained 43 lbs. Yes I know, a lot of that was from the baby, and for my weight before on average, people gain between 30 and 35 lbs. So I was not far off from the average range. But I still didn't like it.

Right when I got home, I started eating a lot healthier. I started eating really clean. Taking it slow of course. I had a lot going. I started doing little exercises here and there when I could. When I got cleared from my doctor to start exercising again, I did. Starting out slow. Just doing at home things and eating clean. I started to see a change. Thank goodness. (I wish I had before pics).

Now with the new year I started to think about things. Yes I wanted to loose this weight. I wanted to feel good about myself again. I wanted to feel attractive again, and I really wanted to look good naked. I came across this blog http://weseekjoy.blogspot.com/2013/12/babies-ruin-bodies.html. That night the baby could not sleep, so neither could I.  I wrapped her up and I sat in the rocking chair just rocking her in her quiet dark room. I was just staring at her. Just thinking of how much I loved her. And how happy I am that she is here. I was thanking God for sending her to me. I then remembered that blog. I started thinking different about my body. What it went through and what it was made to do.  I no longer was upset that I had gained 43lbs. I just knew I wanted to change. But in a good way. I no longer wanted to be skinny. What I mean, is that just because society expects me to be a size 2 and weigh what I did in high school does not mean that that is what is healthy for me and this time.

That night I decided that weight is just a number. I can't focus on what I weigh or how much I want to loose. I had another goal in mind.

I want strong arms, so I can always hold my kids and not get tired.
I want strong legs, so I can run around and play all day.
I want a strong back, so I can give them piggy back rides.
I want a strong core, so I can be strong in every aspect of my life.
I want a strong heart, so I can live to see my kids succeed, fail, love, and so I can do this all again with my grandkids. ( a weird thought for a 25 year old with a baby who is three months old)

I want to be an example of what healthy is. Not what people think it is. Healthy is not skinny and  underfed, it is fit and well fed.

I want to be able to wear a swimming suit, and show off my stretch marks. Why? because I made them. Because it is now a reminder to me that my body is incredible. My body made the one thing that is most important to me. The one thing I would give up anything for. My body was too small, so it made room for the growing person that I made.

She is my inspiration to be a healthier better me.