A story about a baby.

Zaydi Justene Swensen.

 This post may be long. But will contain lots of cute pictures of a sweet baby girl.

Ok so I am going to put the story of my pregnancy and birth in this post. Don't worry, it wont be too long.

So many of you know that I had miscarried my first pregnancy back in 2012. The hardest thing I ever went through and am still trying to heal from. My body went through so much as well as my emotions. Because of this it took us 8 months to get pregnant again. Felt like an eternity.  The new year came and I told myself I can not obsess over this anymore and just let it happen when it happens. Well January came and went and I found out I was pregnant in February! I was so happy. I was terrified. To tell you the truth I was so scared. Scared of loosing another baby. I really didnt know how to feel. If I feel to happy and I lost it I don't know if I could handle another miscarriage, but at the same time I felt guilty trying to not get my hopes up. Because of this, it took me along time to bond to my baby. And I was nervous that I would go through the whole pregnancy without really bonding to my baby. It wasn't until my 20 week check up where they tell the gender, and do a whole body scan of the baby to make sure there is not anything wrong that I bonded with her. It was this picture that I saw and instantly I felt an overwhelming feeling of love for this person. I couldn't help but cry.

 Just before this picture they told us the gender. From day 1, the second I found out I was pregnant I knew it was a girl. I just knew. EVERYONE else thought it was a boy. And guess what it was a GIRL. Mom knows best. From this point on I was getting so excited. so anxious to meet our baby girl. My pregnancy was super easy I can't really complain. Morning sickness at the beginning with a few phases of it from time to time, and being tired. I was always sooooo tired. Other than that it everything went great.

Now fast forward to 36 weeks. At 36 weeks I started feeling lots and lots of cramping. Pain that would wake me up at night. I finally went in the labor and delivery to get monitored and thankfully everything was ok. They just told me to take it easy for the next few weeks. So I did. I really didn't do much except wait around for her arrival. At 38 weeks I went in for my appointment. He checked my cervix and I was dilated to a 2 and was 80% effaced. My Dr stripped my membranes (not the best feeling in the world) and sent me home. Nothing happened. So my next appointment at 39 weeks we talked about being induced. I jumped on board. I was done and ready for her to be here. We set the induction date for three days later. Saturday October 5th.

The day before we went in, Chase and I just spent the day together. We cleaned the house, packed up our car and just enjoyed each other, the next day our lives were going to change. I remember laying in bed (not sleeping) looking at Chase (fast asleep) and just crying. I was soo excited for her, but for some reason I was so sad that it was not going to be just us two anymore. It had just been us for the past 4 years and now all of a sudden there was going to be another human in our home.  But I knew that this was going to be amazing and I was ok letting someone else take his attention.

The next morning, with very little sleep, I got up showered, did my hair and makeup and we drove to the hospital. Just quiet, we pulled up parked the car and sat there for a min or so. We looked at each other and said, here we go. Got all checked in around 8 am and it all began. They started the Pitocin. I couldn't really feel anything so every half hour they increased the amount. I still didn't feel much pain. The monitor was telling a different story. Within just a few hours of getting the pitocin I was having contractions every 3 min or so. I couldn't really feel them. I was just happy as can be with ice chips.
The nurses kept asking me when I wanted to get an epidural and I told them I don't need one know but Ill let you know. It wasn't until they broke my water that I started to feel something. My Dr came in around 2 to break my water. We had to wait to break my water because I tested positive for a bacteria that they needed to treat with antibiotics before they baby could come. So it was a little boring in the morning waiting around for two treatments of the antibiotic. Anyways, after they broke my water I could start to feel them. Still it was not that bad. Now having contractions every 2 min or so, the nurse kept saying anytime you want the epidural let me know. I still didn't feel the pain bad enough to get one. About 2 hours past by and I was dilated to a 6. Feeling them a little more now, the nurse told that the anesthesiologist was about to head into a c-section delivery so it was either get an epidural now or wait till he is done. Well I was afraid of pushing without pain management so I decided to get one then. I think getting the epidural was the most pain felt during the entire delivery process!!! I hated it. Weirdest feeling else.
Once that was in it was just sitting around waiting for our little girl to decide that she was going to come out. Finally around 8 pm or so I started feeling something. Not sure what it was I kept pushing my button to get more medicine going through. The nurse told me that it was probably not contractions that I was feeling but my baby starting to make her way down the birth canal. They checked my cervix and guess what I was at a 10! hurray! They told me that they were going to make me wait another half hour or so before I could start to push. This way my body will keep pushing her slowly down and hopefully I wouldn't have to push for a long time. At that time I was not happy, I was so uncomfortable, very very hungry, and getting a little irritable.  Finally about 45 later they told me it was time. My family left the room and the fun began. I had to push for about an hour and a half! It was soo hard. I was so tired and I was getting the worst headache. Chase was so amazing during this process. When I felt like I couldn't push one more time, he would help me find the strength to do so. Finally she was out. And crying. I mean screaming! She was not happy to be out. They placed her on my chest and I just fell in love. It was incredible. They then took her and got her stats. Weighing in at 6lbs 13 oz. 19.5 in long. She was perfect. The whole experience was amazing.

It was a hard adjustment at first. But having her is the best thing in the world. Its crazy how much love you can have for someone that is only minutes old. That love continues to grow more every single day. Being a mom is the best thing and the hardest thing I have ever done. I would not trade it for anything. Her dad loves her so much. I just know they will be best of friends. There is nothing better than watching a dad care for his baby.

 She is now over a month old. Its crazy how much they grow and learn so fast.
Here are some facts about Zaydi.

*She LOVES her binky!
*Swaddling is a must at night, but she is a little Houdini and some how manages to get out of the tightest swaddle.
*She loves to cuddle. Which is great but it makes it hard to get things done because sometimes she won't let you put her down.

*She is now sleeping 4-5 hours at a time at night. Unless her tummy hurts, then she wakes up more often.
*She giggles all the time in her sleep.
*She LOVES bath time. But so does our dog Tilly. So it makes it difficult at times.
*She loves watching tv, especially with her dad.
*She is very very loved.

My Grandpa

Its been a long time since I have updated my blog. This year has been a very busy one and I do hope to get on here and update. But this blog update is about my Grandpa. Yesterday morning August 1st, 2013 at 8:55 am he returned home to our Heavenly Father. It was just a sad, peaceful thing. He had been sick for quite a while but he fought on for a long long time. His last few months were devastating seeing him so ill. As hard as it is to lose someone, I know he is in a much better place where he is healthy and happy.

I have so many memories of this man. To me he was someone who I looked up to. He was an amazing man with such cool stories. He served in the US military. (I cant remember what branch). I honor him for that. He was a welder by trade. He worked on many of the buildings downtown in Salt Lake City.  He loved creating things. He had a woodshop at his home where most of the time he would be out making all sorts of things. He would ALWAYS let me help him and would let me make my own things as well. He LOVED to cook. More then not, the food network channel would be turned up to the highest volume and he would be in the kitchen making something. He loved trying new recipes. Some were a little strange and I would not try but most of them I loved finding out what he was creating. He made up dozens and dozens of his own recipes with my Grandma who also shared a love for cooking. He made the most AMAZING  hamhock bean soup! He knew it was my favorite and would always make extra every time, freeze it and save it for me until I visited next. His pantry and freezer was always full of canned foods and meals that they would create and save.

He taught me so many things throughout my life. I think the one that holds on best as a hobby is gardening. He always had a garden. Full of many yummy things. I loved going over to his house to help him prep the garden and get ready to plant all the things. I then loved to tend the garden. Every time I visited my job was to always check for weeds growing and pull them. (Now I know it was because he did not want to go out and pull all the weeds, but I was just so happy to be his helper I did it everytime) As I got older, he would come over to my parents house and help me plant my own garden. To this day I try to have a garden each year, since I moved into a new home I was unable to get one started this year, but I have decided to dedicate my garden next year to him. He taught me how to fish. Something we did not get to do vey often but it was always so fun to join him. Something now I enjoy very much as an adult.

He taught me the real meaning of unconditional love. Something I think people only think they knew what it means. He loved his family more than anything, especially his grandkids. We are his pride and joy. He loved us so much. Just knowing how much he loved me and all my cousins makes my heart so heavy. He did everything for us. Supported all of us with anything that we needed or wanted. Any mistakes we made, he looked passed and continued to love us the same. I always say I was his favorite grandchild, but all of my cousins would probably say that as well. He had a way of making you feel so special. He LOVED my grandma. He met my grandma in a time in her life where she was trying so hard to make in on her own. My grandma had two little girls from a previous marriage when they met. My grandpa took my grandma and her kids as his own. He loved them so much and because of that created our family that is today. The love my grandpa had for my grandma seemed unreal. My grandma is a nonstop going kind of gal and my grandpa would just smile and let her do her thing. He was so selfless and kind. I looked up to their marriage and knew I wanted one that looked like that.

He had one the strongest testimonies of the church. My grandpa was a convert to the LDS faith. He joined the church when my mom was young. He always told me to hang on to my faith. My grandpa loved learning about church history and all that comes with it. He was very knowledgeable and has just about every book written about the church. You could always find him reading something, most of the time it was a church history book.

I will miss him so much. I already do. I feel so honored that I was chosen to be his grandchild. He taught me so many things and I am so grateful for that. I cherish all my memories I have of him. I feel so sad that my kids will not know him here on earth. But I have no doubt that he is in heaven with Zaydi and nuthead and future kids teaching them so many things about coming to earth. I am lucky to have him now watching over me and my family from above. I know I have many angels watching over me and now to have him is an overwhelming feeling of peace. He will never leave this families side and he will smile as we do good, feel sad when we make wrong choices but will always continue to be with us at all times. 

I love you grandpa. Until we meet again.

2012 in Review and 2013

2012 hands down has got to be the most eventful, emotional, life changing year of my life...so far.
Here is a review of some things that 2012 brought:

Cruise! We went on a cruise last Jan. A great way to start a new year.

It was so nice to be able to take two weeks and enjoy spending time with just each other and family. Chase's brother lives in Texas so we stayed with them for a few days before heading off to sea. Cruises are awesome. The workings of another one are being planned at the moment.

Once we got home, I was offered a job at the University Neuropsychiatric Institute as a psychiatric technician. This job has been such a blessing. Working with those who are mentally ill and seeing life in a whole new way. I love helping people and this job allows me to help those who are truly hanging on by a thread. It feels amazing to be able to see someone who is literally in the deepest depth of despair become bright, happy, and decide that life is worth living.

In march I found out I was pregnant. This has been the most life altering event I could have had. Even though my pregnancy ended at 12 weeks, the love I had for that unborn baby truly amazed me and taught me some of lifes hardest lessons. The things I learns about my self, Chase, my family, and God, was worth it all. Even though I wish that pregnancy would have brought me a child to raise, I would never take back that experience and the lessons I learned. Overall, I will always live my life in a way that I hope that that baby (and all my future children) would  be proud to have me for a mother.

I graduated with my Bachelor's degree. Well, technically my last class was December 2011, but I walked with my graduating class in 2012. I am so grateful to have had the oppurtunity to attend college and to get a degree that I am passionate about. Eventually I will pursue a Master's degree, but until then, I am satisfied with what I have now.


My best friends brother died. He was like a brother to me and his passing brought great sorrow to my families heart. I still think about him all the time and am so grateful to have had him in my life. He picked on me like a little sister and I looked up to him as a big brother. I know that he is watching over his family and he is still with us.

Chase become a police officer for Ogden City. YAY! Chase worked so hard in the academy and it finally paid off. He is such a great husband and supports me nonstop. This job is the making of his dream job and get so excited to go to work each day. It's very hard at times being a wife of a police officer but I would never change it for the world! Once he got that job, our lives were really put in motion.



We got a new puppy! Meet Tilly everyone! Our newfoundland collie mix!

 

Her and Koda dog are slowly becoming the best of friends!

We bought a house! One of the most exciting and expensice purchases ever. But it feels soooo good to have a house, with a fence that is mine. That I can paint any walls I want, hang up all the things I want and have it be messy from time to time. I love it and I can't wait to bring my babies to this home and raise them here. Each place Chase and I moved to, we have dedicated the home, or apartment to the lord. Chase gives the home a blessing of safety and comfort. This time, the blessing for our home, was differemt. The words were stronger and had more meaning, and I just know that this is where the Lord wants us and I am so glad becuase I am so happy here.

I can't wait until spring so I can make this yard pretty! I love yard work and will be enjoying every minute making this house my home.

NowOnTo2013

 





All I ask in 2013 is continued happiness and a baby :)

As well as me eating healthier and getting back into shape like the rest of the world.

Happy New Year Everyone!!!