Thursday, January 16, 2014
legs and booty
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Body after Baby.
Hello there.
I write this post today with encouragement to myself.
Lets start from the beginning. In high school, (yes I know that was 7 years ago... wow that went fast) I weighed between 105lbs to 110lbs. I never even thought once about my weight or how it may affect me. Never once did I think I would weigh much more than that. After graduating, life happened and 2 and half years later I got married. Weighing in at about 115lbs on my wedding day. I felt great, again not concerned about weight. In fact, I was worried that I didn't weigh enough. Did you know that you have to weigh at least 115lbs to donate plasma. I was never able to because I didn't weigh enough.
Ok now to the part that I struggle with. In 2012, after I miscarried. I was a mess. I didn't know how to heal. So I fed my feelings with food. I love food. I'm not going to lie. I eat when I am happy, excited, sad, mad, etc. What I eat depends on my feelings. So my struggles with my miscarriage were dealt with lots of days where I didn't want to cook, so we ate out. Or cravings of this and that, that I ate. With very little active work outs. Once I started to feel better, I starting running again. But not enough. That year I gained 10 to 12lbs. That was a lot for me. I went up a pants size from a 4 to a 6. Everything was just a little bigger. But I still was not unhappy about my weight. I thought I still looked ok.
Then 2013 came. I got pregnant, again. Terrified of loosing this baby I did not do any hard labor activity. I did not want to risk anything. I ate ok, but not great. I had cravings, lots of them and I gave into them... all the time. At the beginning of my pregnancy I weighed 128lbs. Every time I had a Drs appointment I had to get on the scale, watching that number rise and rise with each visit. The doctor was never concerned about my weight. But it was unsettling to me. I never once worried about weight before. So it was weird to me to all of a sudden struggle with that, knowing that the reason I was gaining weight was everything I ever wanted. I saw my body change right before my eyes. My thighs got bigger, my butt got bigger, my belly of course got bigger, my boobs got bigger and my face got bigger. I started seeing stretch marks all over. My weight at the end of the pregnancy, right before I delivered, 171lbs. I gained 43 lbs. Yes I know, a lot of that was from the baby, and for my weight before on average, people gain between 30 and 35 lbs. So I was not far off from the average range. But I still didn't like it.
Right when I got home, I started eating a lot healthier. I started eating really clean. Taking it slow of course. I had a lot going. I started doing little exercises here and there when I could. When I got cleared from my doctor to start exercising again, I did. Starting out slow. Just doing at home things and eating clean. I started to see a change. Thank goodness. (I wish I had before pics).
Now with the new year I started to think about things. Yes I wanted to loose this weight. I wanted to feel good about myself again. I wanted to feel attractive again, and I really wanted to look good naked. I came across this blog http://weseekjoy.blogspot.com/2013/12/babies-ruin-bodies.html. That night the baby could not sleep, so neither could I. I wrapped her up and I sat in the rocking chair just rocking her in her quiet dark room. I was just staring at her. Just thinking of how much I loved her. And how happy I am that she is here. I was thanking God for sending her to me. I then remembered that blog. I started thinking different about my body. What it went through and what it was made to do. I no longer was upset that I had gained 43lbs. I just knew I wanted to change. But in a good way. I no longer wanted to be skinny. What I mean, is that just because society expects me to be a size 2 and weigh what I did in high school does not mean that that is what is healthy for me and this time.
That night I decided that weight is just a number. I can't focus on what I weigh or how much I want to loose. I had another goal in mind.
I want strong arms, so I can always hold my kids and not get tired.
I want strong legs, so I can run around and play all day.
I want a strong back, so I can give them piggy back rides.
I want a strong core, so I can be strong in every aspect of my life.
I want a strong heart, so I can live to see my kids succeed, fail, love, and so I can do this all again with my grandkids. ( a weird thought for a 25 year old with a baby who is three months old)
I want to be an example of what healthy is. Not what people think it is. Healthy is not skinny and underfed, it is fit and well fed.
I want to be able to wear a swimming suit, and show off my stretch marks. Why? because I made them. Because it is now a reminder to me that my body is incredible. My body made the one thing that is most important to me. The one thing I would give up anything for. My body was too small, so it made room for the growing person that I made.
She is my inspiration to be a healthier better me.
I write this post today with encouragement to myself.
Lets start from the beginning. In high school, (yes I know that was 7 years ago... wow that went fast) I weighed between 105lbs to 110lbs. I never even thought once about my weight or how it may affect me. Never once did I think I would weigh much more than that. After graduating, life happened and 2 and half years later I got married. Weighing in at about 115lbs on my wedding day. I felt great, again not concerned about weight. In fact, I was worried that I didn't weigh enough. Did you know that you have to weigh at least 115lbs to donate plasma. I was never able to because I didn't weigh enough.
Ok now to the part that I struggle with. In 2012, after I miscarried. I was a mess. I didn't know how to heal. So I fed my feelings with food. I love food. I'm not going to lie. I eat when I am happy, excited, sad, mad, etc. What I eat depends on my feelings. So my struggles with my miscarriage were dealt with lots of days where I didn't want to cook, so we ate out. Or cravings of this and that, that I ate. With very little active work outs. Once I started to feel better, I starting running again. But not enough. That year I gained 10 to 12lbs. That was a lot for me. I went up a pants size from a 4 to a 6. Everything was just a little bigger. But I still was not unhappy about my weight. I thought I still looked ok.
Then 2013 came. I got pregnant, again. Terrified of loosing this baby I did not do any hard labor activity. I did not want to risk anything. I ate ok, but not great. I had cravings, lots of them and I gave into them... all the time. At the beginning of my pregnancy I weighed 128lbs. Every time I had a Drs appointment I had to get on the scale, watching that number rise and rise with each visit. The doctor was never concerned about my weight. But it was unsettling to me. I never once worried about weight before. So it was weird to me to all of a sudden struggle with that, knowing that the reason I was gaining weight was everything I ever wanted. I saw my body change right before my eyes. My thighs got bigger, my butt got bigger, my belly of course got bigger, my boobs got bigger and my face got bigger. I started seeing stretch marks all over. My weight at the end of the pregnancy, right before I delivered, 171lbs. I gained 43 lbs. Yes I know, a lot of that was from the baby, and for my weight before on average, people gain between 30 and 35 lbs. So I was not far off from the average range. But I still didn't like it.
Right when I got home, I started eating a lot healthier. I started eating really clean. Taking it slow of course. I had a lot going. I started doing little exercises here and there when I could. When I got cleared from my doctor to start exercising again, I did. Starting out slow. Just doing at home things and eating clean. I started to see a change. Thank goodness. (I wish I had before pics).
Now with the new year I started to think about things. Yes I wanted to loose this weight. I wanted to feel good about myself again. I wanted to feel attractive again, and I really wanted to look good naked. I came across this blog http://weseekjoy.blogspot.com/2013/12/babies-ruin-bodies.html. That night the baby could not sleep, so neither could I. I wrapped her up and I sat in the rocking chair just rocking her in her quiet dark room. I was just staring at her. Just thinking of how much I loved her. And how happy I am that she is here. I was thanking God for sending her to me. I then remembered that blog. I started thinking different about my body. What it went through and what it was made to do. I no longer was upset that I had gained 43lbs. I just knew I wanted to change. But in a good way. I no longer wanted to be skinny. What I mean, is that just because society expects me to be a size 2 and weigh what I did in high school does not mean that that is what is healthy for me and this time.
That night I decided that weight is just a number. I can't focus on what I weigh or how much I want to loose. I had another goal in mind.
I want strong arms, so I can always hold my kids and not get tired.
I want strong legs, so I can run around and play all day.
I want a strong back, so I can give them piggy back rides.
I want a strong core, so I can be strong in every aspect of my life.
I want a strong heart, so I can live to see my kids succeed, fail, love, and so I can do this all again with my grandkids. ( a weird thought for a 25 year old with a baby who is three months old)
I want to be an example of what healthy is. Not what people think it is. Healthy is not skinny and underfed, it is fit and well fed.
I want to be able to wear a swimming suit, and show off my stretch marks. Why? because I made them. Because it is now a reminder to me that my body is incredible. My body made the one thing that is most important to me. The one thing I would give up anything for. My body was too small, so it made room for the growing person that I made.
She is my inspiration to be a healthier better me.
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